We Saw Nuns Kill Children: The Ghosts of St. Joseph’s Catholic Orphanage
It was a late summer afternoon, Sally Dale recalled, when the boy was thrown through the fourth-floor window.
“He kind of hit, and— ” she placed both hands palm-down before her. Her right hand slapped down on the left, rebounded up a little, then landed again.
For just a moment, the room was still. “Bounced?” one of the many lawyers present asked. “Well, I guess you’d call it — it was a bounce,” she replied. “And then he laid still.”
Sally, who was speaking under oath, tried to explain it. She started again. “The first thing I saw was looking up, hearing the crash of the window, and then him going down, but my eyes were still glued—.” She pointed up at where the broken window would have been and then she pointed at her own face and drew circles around it. “That habit thing, whatever it is, that they wear, stuck out like a sore thumb.”
A nun was standing at the window, Sally said. She straightened her arms out in front of her. “But her hands were like that.”
There were only two people in the yard, she said: Sally herself and a nun who was escorting her. In a tone that was still completely bewildered, she recalled asking, Sister?
Sister took hold of Sally’s ear, turned her around, and walked her back to the other side of the yard. The nun told her she had a vivid imagination. We are going to have to do something about you, child.
Sally figured the boy fell from the window in 1944 or so, because she was moving to the “big girls” dormitory that day. Girls usually moved when they were 6, though residents of St. Joseph’s Orphanage in Burlington, Vermont, did not always have a clear sense of their age — birthdays, like siblings and even names, being one of the many human attributes that were stripped from them when they passed through its doors. She recounted his fall in a deposition on Nov. 6, 1996, as part of a remarkable group of lawsuits that 28 former residents brought against the nuns, the diocese, and the social agency that oversaw the orphanage.
I watched the deposition — all 19 hours of grainy, scratchy videotape — more than two decades later. By that time sexual abuse scandals had ripped through the Catholic Church, shattering the silence that had for so long protected its secrets. It was easier for accusers in general to come forward, and easier for people to believe their stories, even if the stories sounded too awful to be true. Even if they had happened decades ago, when the accusers were only children. Even if the people they were accusing were pillars of the community.
But for all these revelations — including this month’s Pennsylvania grand jury report on how the church hid the crimes of hundreds of priests — a darker history, the one to which Sally’s story belongs, remains all but unknown. It is the history of unrelenting physical and psychological abuse of captive children. Across thousands of miles, across decades, the abuse took eerily similar forms: People who grew up in orphanages said they were made to kneel or stand for hours, sometimes with their arms straight out, sometimes holding their boots or some other item. They were forced to eat their own vomit. They were dangled upside down out windows, over wells, or in laundry chutes. Children were locked in cabinets, in closets, in attics, sometimes for days, sometimes so long they were forgotten. They were told their relatives didn’t want them, or they were permanently separated from their siblings. They were sexually abused. They were mutilated. They were dangled upside down out windows, over wells, or in laundry chutes.
Darkest of all, it is a history of children who entered orphanages but did not leave them alive.
From former residents of America’s Catholic orphanage system, I had heard stories about these deaths — that they were not natural or even accidents, but were instead the inevitable consequence of the nuns’ brutality. Sally herself described witnessing at least two incidents in which she said a child at St. Joseph’s died or was outright murdered.
It’s likely that more than 5 million Americans passed through orphanages in the 20th century alone. At its peak in the 1930s, the American orphanage system included more than 1,600 institutions, partly supported with public funding but usually run by religious orders, including the Catholic Church.
Outside the United States, the orphanage system and the wreckage it produced has undergone substantial official scrutiny over the last two decades. In Canada, the UK, Germany, Ireland, and Australia, multiple formal government inquiries have subpoenaed records, taken witness testimony, and found, time and again, that children consigned to orphanages — in many cases, Catholic orphanages — were victims of severe abuse. A 1998 UK government inquiry, citing “exceptional depravity” at four homes run by the Christian Brothers order in Australia, heard that a boy was the object of a competition between the brothers to see who could rape him 100 times.
The inquiries focused primarily on sexual abuse, not physical abuse or murder, but taken together, the reports showed almost limitless harm that was the result not just of individual cruelty but of systemic abuse.
In the United States, however, no such reckoning has taken place. Even today the stories of the orphanages are rarely told and barely heard, let alone recognized in any formal way by the government, the public, or the courts. The few times that orphanage abuse cases have been litigated in the US, the courts have remained, with a few exceptions, generally indifferent. Private settlements could be as little as a few thousand dollars. Government bodies have rarely pursued the allegations.
So in a journey that lasted four years, I went around the country, and even around the world, in search of the truth about this vast, unnarrated chapter of American experience. Eventually I focused on St. Joseph’s, where the former residents’ lawsuits had briefly forced the dark history into public view.
The former residents of St. Joseph’s told of being subjected to tortures — from the straightforwardly awful to the downright bizarre — that were occasionally administered as a special punishment but were often just a matter of course. Their tales were strikingly similar, each adding weight and credibility to the others. In these accounts, St. Joseph’s emerged as its own little universe, governed by a cruel logic, hidden behind brick walls just a few miles past the quaint streets of downtown Burlington.
When I first started looking, it seemed that all that remained of St. Joseph’s were deposition transcripts and the sharp, bitter memories of the few remaining survivors I was able to find. But over the course of years I found that there was far more to discover. More than the former residents themselves knew, and more than was uncovered during the 1990s legal battle. Through tens of thousands of pages of documents, some of them secret, as well as dozens of interviews, what I found at St. Joseph’s and other American orphanages was a vast and terrible matrix of corroboration.
The Diocese of Burlington, Vermont Catholic Charities, and the Sisters of Providence, the order of nuns who worked at St. Joseph’s, all chose not to speak with me about these allegations. At the end of my reporting, Monsignor John McDermott, of the Burlington Diocese, provided a brief statement: “Please know that the Diocese of Burlington treats allegations of child abuse seriously and procedures are in place for reporting to the proper authorities. While it cannot alter the past, the Diocese is doing everything it can to ensure children are protected.”
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Vocation and Seeking Truth – The Challenge of Making a Living while Exposing and Transcending the Matrix
Over the last several years, many people have contacted me with regards to my blog articles and the films and interviews I’ve been involved in, and oftentimes ask for any insight and guidance I can provide in relation to their personal struggles. I always do my best to reply to every email and message I receive, and I can usually answer general questions and subjects in this manner – however, giving feedback when it comes to more personal matters (or going deeper into certain topics) is of limited value when the medium of communication involves electronic interaction and/or the written word in general.
This past year has seen more and more people reaching out to me, and also inquiring if I offer Skype sessions. Having worked with a lot of individuals in a one-on-one capacity via my career as a professional bodyworker for over a decade and counting, and helping them with their individual healing process (which oftentimes turned into counseling sessions as well), I felt it was a good idea to expand the services I provide – answering “the call”, so to speak.
I’ve recently begun to provide these structured Skype/FaceTime sessions to individuals from around world on a consistent basis, with (thankfully) great results. The sessions – and positive feedback – have now encouraged me to officially start offering “holistic coaching” services as well.
Amongst the many questions people direct my way, this one stood out for me as being very pertinent to the times we all find ourselves in:
“Hello Bernhard, I have been watching your many posts for several month and share most of your views. As I am about to complete the first of many trainings in bodywork (perhaps the first most rewarding work I ever done for pay) I was wondering if your choice to speak your truth on Facebook has impacted negatively your ability to earn a living in bodywork,or perhaps (hopefully) assisted you in finding like-minded clients.”
Since others may have similar concerns to those expressed, above, I thought it prudent to publish my reply on this blog and elaborate upon its various aspects. My response relates (for the most part) to my particular line of work, but it can also provide insights for those involved in other professions as well.
It is often the case that those people who are engaged in sincere self-work – and seeking truth whilst walking upon their individual path of “Awakening” – experience a conflict between the demands involved in “making a living” (i.e., their job/work/career) and staying true to themselves: speaking out about the injustices in the world and exploring topics that may trigger others, since they fall outside the walls of the reality box that reinforces mainstream cult-ure and society. There is fear here – an apprehension with regards to what others may think of us and our views, or even the possibility of losing one’s job for publicly sharing certain views.
With regards to the question asked by the person above, “if my choice to speak my truth on Facebook/online has negatively impacted my ability to earn a living in bodywork”, I actually never really thought about it, and I wouldn’t know, since I have always been outspoken in discussing a wide variety of subjects. Conscience – as opposed to “career status”- is my guide.
Sure, I may have lost some potential clients because of this trait, but it has also assisted me in “attracting” the “right” clients; genuine people who are also questioning consensus reality, the matrix, and are receptive to going deeper into the self-work/awakening process from a holistic perspective. But I also really don’t care either way, since staying true to myself is the most important aspect of my character; this expression of my deepest being helps to determine the quality of both my bodywork and the other services I provide.
“This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.”
To elaborate further:
My clients come to me from all walks of life. Some don’t earn much money at all, while others are very wealthy; regardless, I work with everyone, and no one has been turned away if they can’t afford my standard rates, since I offer a “sliding scale” (or barter options) for those who are truly financially challenged. My clientele is based, for the most part, on “word of mouth” recommendations.
Most of my bodywork clients have no idea what I post on Facebook or what I write about on my blog. I don’t always share with my clients what I do “on the side” and how outspoken I am about my views. I’m very considerate about establishing boundaries between these two worlds, and it’s only in rare cases – if it comes up in conversation, or if it is asked for – that I share my online work with clients…but I never instigate such sharing. In fact, many of these ‘off the cuff’ conversations have helped my clients in their healing process as well, because they are struggling to adapt to a sick society and have lost themselves in its programming.
Ironically, a lot of issues in their bodies are a result of the normalization of pathology within our society; of not being true to themselves, but instead trying desperately to “fit in”; of suppressing what they truly think and how they really feel about many aspects of the realities they experience, both within their own lives and in the world at large. This “split” in conscious awareness manifests as symptoms within the body, with all kinds of chronic conditions, dis-ease, and emotional trauma (stress, anxiety, depression, etc.,) rising to the surface.
I have no doubt that I could possibly lose some clients if they knew about my opinions and views surrounding certain topics, and perhaps I already have – but that really has no reflection upon my skills and talents as a bodyworker.
There is much to be said about “external consideration” and “strategic enclosure”, and some people have to be more careful about what they talk about publicly, especially if they don’t work for themselves (or have a family they need to support). This rationale is fully understood, and a wise course to take.
“External Consideration” means adapting to the worldview/beliefs of another person, and thus not pushing information onto someone who didn’t ask for it in the first place. Sometimes, this approach involves supporting other peoples’ ‘illusions’ because they are not ready to hear the truth, let alone be assisted in becoming “un-plugged” from the Matrix Control System. In esoteric terms, “Giving without (sincere) asking” is a violation of free will. It may interfere with the soul lesson/path of the other person involved – an individual who needs to learn certain lessons for him/herself, even if that entails long periods of suffering and struggle.
In this context, we cannot “do” anything for another person, nor “save” them – if they are not engaged in the process of sincere self-work and earnestly seeking truth for themselves, it will most likely be counterproductive to engage them with a contrasting point of view. The “asking” part of the equation doesn’t have to be verbal in nature – it depends upon the situation and context. On the other hand, not every “asking” cue is sincere, so trusting one’s intuitive hunches regarding what to share (and what to withhold) is important; simply being “curious” is not a sincere form of “asking”.
“To those people who simply pry into the occult from mere curiosity, we have nothing to say. They will obtain just as much as they deserve, and nothing more. “Ask and ye shall receive, seek and ye shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you” is equally as true today, in relation to esoteric knowledge, as it was 2000 years ago. …
It invariably presupposes that the supplicator and the knocker are in real earnest, and that they seek only to satisfy the deep yearnings of the immortal soul. The doorkeeper, or guardian of the temple of truth is as mute as a granite rock to all others. They may supplicate, they may shout and bawl until they are hoarse, they may knock and buffet the door until they rouse a nation with their clamour, and if they approach in any other spirit than [earnest desire to satisfy the deep yearnings of the immortal soul], it is all to no purpose. We can never take the Kingdom of Heaven by storm.”
– “The Hermetic Brotherhood of Luxor: Initiatic and Historical Documents of an Order of Practical Occultism” by Joscelyn Godwin
“Strategic Enclosure” relates to having a strategy regarding how to present information that may challenge another’s belief systems. Sometimes it is more productive to remain silent than to drop “knowledge bombs” on an unsuspecting mind, let alone trying to convince another person through argument and debate. This also ties into the saying “Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces” – such is the biblical description of “cognitive dissonance” in its most basic of terms.
“Sometimes people hold core belief that is very strong. When they are presented with evidence that works against that belief, the new evidence cannot be accepted. It would create a feeling that is extremely uncomfortable, called cognitive dissonance. And because it is so important to protect the core belief, they will rationalize, ignore and even deny anything that doesn’t fit with the core belief.”
– Fritz Fanon
In order to find relief from that “uncomfortable feeling” which some people experience when presented with information that conflicts with their conditioned world view and beliefs – the ones which they build an identity around and emotionally-resonate with – such individuals tend to attack the person who presents the information without ever addressing what has been said. This is the classic ‘ad hominem’ logical fallacy, a tactic which would be very familiar to people who read a lot of internet ‘interactions’.
“The Matrix is a system, Neo. That system is our enemy. But when you’re inside, you look around, what do you see? Businessmen, teachers, lawyers, carpenters. The very minds of the people we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still a part of that system and that makes them our enemy. You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it. The Matrix is everywhere. It is all around us.You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work… when you go to church… when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.”
– Morpheus, “The Matrix”
At the same time, I also feel (and have seen) that the ideas of “external consideration” and “strategic enclosure” have been used as a buffer, an avoidance strategy, and a rationale to excuse people from being outspoken about those important issues which our world is facing in this day and age – or even with regards to what we truly think and feel, our own sense of vulnerability and openness. Oftentimes, there is this irrational fear and paranoia about what others may think of us as individuals if one is more outspoken – allowing opinions to frame our own sense of self-worth.
However, that (illusory) fear is actually one of the reasons why more people are not standing up for truth – a stance which would help the world in so many tangible ways, and therefore help themselves as well. It ties into the subject of people’s tunnel vision (reinforced by the matrix-programmed virus of blinkered self-interest), which is solely focused on making money and ‘building’ their career in order to prop up their social status/image, gain popularity, and “win new friends”.
This is the socially conditioned view of “success” at all costs, even if it means they “sell/lose their soul” (so to speak) by concentrating all of their energy on running in the “rat race”. This fear is what the powers-that-be rely upon to maintain control, and they heavily promote it through various means in order to keep the masses preoccupied, obedient and imprisoned by their own free (if manipulated) will.
It’s not a black or white ‘universal’ scenario, and each situation and person is different. Everyone needs to decide for themselves how to go about speaking their truth, and they should check in with their conscience and balance their desire to express their insights and concerns with the realities of their particular life situation. I’m not here to tell people what they “should” do.
Speaking of fear, it is good to remember that this low-vibrational mindset is based upon a projected, narrow and self-limiting understanding of time – in this case, hesitantly-anticipating a future event; thus, it’s an illusory psychological fear that has nothing to do with the present moment and the infinite possibilities that lay ahead. Our monkey mind can manufacture all kinds of “what if” scenarios and projections, but in doing so, it reveals that our conscious awareness is caught in a linear (entropic) time ‘prison’ and cannot possibly foresee the future in detail.
Such a limiting perspective completely ignores the intuitive wisdom contained in our own unique soul purpose; the lessons we need to learn; and the talents we are here to develop as embodied individuals during this time of transition. Fear is literally an illusion, rooted in the terror surrounding death, and stemming from debilitating ego identification. Danger can be real (as is our in-built ‘fight or flight’ response to it), but the fear which lies at the heart of ‘analysis paralysis’ is ultimately a choice.
Feeling anxiety and fear at times is a normal physiological condition, especially during this era of accelerating energies, as more information is coming to light out of the shadows of history. Don’t judge yourself when you feel fear or anxiety – don’t suppress/escape it and don’t fight it, either; in fact, go into it, surrender to the sensations, feel it from a non-reactive, non-judgmental place, and let it reveal what needs exposure to your awareness. You will soon see what is behind this particular frequency, and thus come to understand that there was nothing to fear all along.
It is an essential part of all shadow work and healing: the transmuting of darkness into light – of lead into gold. What we fear usually reveals a critical aspect of our own shadow, and thus, where our most important self-work lies. The key to this process is to get into the body, to access the present moment, and establish a connection to spirit/higher self, thereby letting go of any shadow stuff, conditioned beliefs and ego identifications in the process. It is in this way that we anchor our essential nature to the higher frequencies of manifest creation, as we become sovereign beings within our “I AM” presence – our multidimensional wholeness.
Ultimately, this journey is about trusting our own intuitive guidance system, a gift which is located in the gut – specifically, the pelvic floor, known as the seat of female Being – as opposed to the brain/head (and its relentlessly-churning thoughts). This ‘second brain’ shows us where we need to go (or where we need to avoid going), and what we need to do (or avoid doing) for our unique soul evolution to expand and evolve. It’s not just a feeling, but a deeper embodied knowing; and it’s a process that is different for each of us. These are the times we find ourselves in; it’s like a spiritual rebirth: the old needs to fall away before the new can emerge, both within and without.
“The impression we have that our experience of consciousness reveals its full and true nature is akin to our belief that our experience of reality reveals its full and true nature. But we only experience reality as our senses reveal it to us. If I throw a stick for my dog into a pile of sticks, she knows just which one I’ve thrown. She so easily smells the trace of my hand on it that it may as well be painted fluorescent orange. A dog’s nose detects smells more sensitively than any man-made machine can. What a dog reads on a breeze or a bush is invisible to us. A snake smells the world in stereo. The world as seen by a fly or as heard by a dolphin would be unrecognizable to us.
What we accept as reality is to the whole as a single needle is to a towering redwood. We sort of know that – or remember it every once in a while. But when it comes to our understanding of what thinking is, we remain trapped within the box of our assumptions, blind to the fluorescent orange occurrences flourishing all around us. We are even mostly blind to the thinking that courses through the intelligence of the body, because its language of thought is sensation rather than abstraction. It’s worth noting, in that regard, that our word ‘sensation’ derives from a Latin root, sentire, which means “to think, to feel.” Before we confined our thinking in the head and severed it from feeling, thinking and feeling were recognized as one.”
– Phillip Shepherd
In my personal career, I work on so many different people, and this aspect of my work has offered up an amazing lesson in compassion and empathy with regards to the human tendency to stereotype others. For example, about seven years ago I worked on a close personal friend of former Republican president George W. Bush at a “high-end” retreat center. The owner of the center knew about my “outspoken public work”, and actually likes it a lot (as she holds similar views), but prior to this particular bodywork session she pulled me aside, told me who he was, and said: “Bernhard, please don’t tell this man anything about your political views!” I was laughing, because I never do that anyway at her retreat center. However, since she told me that he was a close friend of Bush, I had some judgment coming up within my psyche, and thought to myself, “Oh boy, I just want to get this over with and be done with the session”.
During the treatment session, something unexpected and beautiful happened. Towards the end of the session, this older man began to cry – he was clearly processing some suppressed sadness and grief. It was very touching to see. After the session was finished, he gave me a big hug and thanked me. He told me that he was going through a lot, and that my massage was like a “symphony” (he’s a well-known musician), helping him to process – and ultimately release – something that he was struggling with for a long time.
It was a humbling experience. I wondered what would have happened had this man been made aware of my “political views”? Would he have “outed” me and complained to the retreat owner, refusing to be massaged by me? Or maybe he had already started to question a lot of those same topics himself? I’ll never know the answers, and it doesn’t matter; the point remains this: just because this fellow was a close friend of George Bush, it doesn’t mean he is devoid of feelings, and can’t be helped through submitting to any kind of healing work he’s open to… nor did it matter that we (possibly) had very opposing views on politics. None of these extraneous possibilities had anything to do with what happened in that moment, or in my practice as a bodyworker. So it was a good lesson for me to not judge anyone by their associations or the work they do.
Over the years, I have performed treatments on some very rich Wall Street bankers, lawyers, CEOs, celebrities, and others who could be considered part of “the elite”. Well, it is my observation that not all of these ‘elite’ individuals are “psychopaths”, but are, rather, struggling in their own ways, even if they live in a very different reality than most of us. Indeed, some of them have so much money that they can literally afford anything, anytime, for the next 10 lifetimes. Some of them actually regret how they’ve spent their lives, and try to find a deeper meaning in their current existence, as they have shared these ‘confessions’ with me during a session.
Many of these wealthy people and so-called “celebrities” I have worked on are very wounded and lost individuals, and it certainly shows that money and fame does not automatically bring happiness or fulfillment – far from it. While many of the elite may as well be psychopathic/sociopathic and lost in greed – and honestly, those kinds of people wouldn’t seek out this kind of healing work anyway, for they don’t see anything “wrong” with them and don’t even suffer due to their lack of emotional capacities – it is not a black or white scenario, and sometimes we really do not know anything about a person until we meet him/her personally.
Having conducted bodywork sessions with thousands of people over the years, one thing I can say for sure is that the body (and energetic impressions within people) reveals way more than what we can see from the public persona (or what we know from the internet) with regards to human beings we’ve never met. Judging someone (positively or negatively) based solely upon social media interaction – typing words on a screen in lieu of face-to-face connection – can be very deceiving in that regard.
Over the years, there have also been surprising and amazing conversations with certain clients in regards to the topics I speak (and write) about. During a bodywork session, some clients feel the need to talk because they have no one else to talk to about certain subjects, and many of them have revealed things to me that not even their spouse or family members know about: personal struggles, or relating to the state of the world. I never instigate such moments, but if I am asked to respond, I carefully share some of my own views, which is oftentimes such a relief for them to hear. On occasion, it’s simply about holding space for some people who simply want to be heard without judgment or even feedback, so that they can just let out their frustration and feel safe in their vulnerability.
Many of these “discussions” turn into a coaching/counseling session as well, and for some of these clients, I will also provide links to my blog and films. Based on feedback I’ve received from them, these interactions helped them in their process of identifying and contextualizing what they felt all along, but couldn’t share with anyone before (due to that aforementioned socio-cultural fear factor).
Another question that came up in a discussion on Facebook (and it’s one that I’m being asked a lot about in my one-on-one sessions) was this:
“Bernhard, have you found yourself or your loved ones more ‘on the radar’ of dark forces (Archons, flyers, humans influenced by these negative forces, etc) as a result of publicly influencing the world in a positive or more “service to others” way? I ask because I think it’s happening to us, and my husband is suggesting that we stop “putting it out there” for the world because it seems we’re coming under attack. I am really on the fence about what to do.”
My life has certainly not been a “walk in the park”, especially since I started speaking out in a more public manner about the deeper workings of the Matrix. There have been many attacks which I’ve been subjected to – in regards to both cultural shaming as well as hyperdimensional/psychic assaults, especially at the beginning of my current path; I have written about some of these experiences on my blog. Even just in the past year, it has felt at times like being under constant siege with regards to hypderdimensional warfare. These events dragged me into a downward spiral filled with suicidal thoughts and despair, to the point that I seriously considered deleting my blog and films – which was exactly “their” intention.
However, attacks are inevitable whilst taking on the quest for truth and awakening – the “General Law”, the hyperdimensional matrix control system, and the ego-slumber of the collective consciousness will always try to counteract and suppress any attempt to “escape” from the manufactured ‘reality’ (while simultaneously anchoring to a higher frequency). This is most often achieved by working through other people – individuals who are being used as “matrix agents” without their conscious awareness. It’s therefore important to never take such machinations to heart, or to make it personal. As a shaman woman I worked with told me: “It’s just part of the occupational hazard that comes with the work you do. You have to deal with it, and can’t complain – because you chose to be here and accepted your mission before you incarnated.”
Attacks can take on various forms and levels of intensity. In one sense, you can judge that you are on the “right track” if you are getting attacked (unless you go about your role like a “martyr” with a “savior complex” and therefore are just “asking for it”, which also ties into the “self-importance” topic). To make a decision to avoid “putting it out there for the world because it seems we’re coming under attack” is less-than-constructive idea, for that is exactly what these forces’ intentions are (via the channels of intimidation, ridicule and psychic warfare). They want you to be silent. They want you to be afraid. They want certain knowledge to be suppressed.
Even the word “attack” is not the best term to use, for it implies “victimization”, and can result in feeling powerless and projecting blame outwardly. What I’ve found is that all of the struggles and “attacks” I have dealt with were, in fact, “initiations”, for these forces (whether they be working through others or targeting us directly) always focus on our wounds, our weaknesses and our blind spots.
Therefore, you can actually utilize these disruptive vibrations as “teachers” in order to learn more about yourself; taking complete responsibility for your life and working on your “stuff” in order to become fully embodied, raising your frequency in the process so that there is no “leakage” in your energy field (which is what these forces target). As the saying goes, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
Sometimes, a different strategy is needed. There is a time to be silent and a time to speak out…Although I must emphasize that I am not supportive of tactics which involve pushing information onto others (I learned that the hard way myself). All of this goes back to external consideration and strategic enclosure. Cautious awareness is also required when it comes to avoiding the “trap of the revolutionary mind”, which leads to an individual getting caught up in chasing shadows on the cave wall (and getting reactionary in their analysis) as they “fight” the matrix on a solely 3D level.
On the other hand, people who are not a threat to the Matrix Control System won’t get attacked (nor will they be given any noticeable attention) because it’s simply not necessary. They can have the most successful life in purely Matrix terms (money, fame, happy family life, etc.), but in the end they are still a part of the Matrix ‘fabric’ and its mechanical influence: ‘dreaming to be awake’.
“Man was compared to a cell of organic life on Earth. Because he belongs to this organism, man is subject to the General Law, and it is only when he has escaped it that he is elevated to the Law of Exception. We are not aware of how much we are bound by the action of the General Law. Acting on us as it does on our cells, this law immobilizes us or constantly tends to bring us back to our place. Its strength leaves us little freedom of action outside the limits of its direction and scope. It acts in various ways. One can say that if man lives ‘like everyone else’, if he does not venture off the beaten track, he will never perceive the existence of this force, or rather this force will ignore him.
But if his enterprises are out of the ordinary, no matter what field they are in, but especially in esotericism, this force begins to act, and stirs up all sorts of obstacles in order to bring him back to the point where — according to the General Law — he must reside. Even without knowing this force, we have an intuition of its existence and of the many forms which clothe it.
Thus, if this conservative force, which is the servant of the General Law, does not succeed in ‘calming’ man by acting directly upon him, it tries to reach him indirectly through the people of his household, either through the feelings they invoke or the coolness and contempt they openly show him. As long as it is not mastered, the force of illusion keeps each one of us in his place, obliging him most often to mistake the false for the true.
Submerged in unreality, instead of advancing, man marks time; one step forward and two steps backwards; two steps forward and one step backwards, and so on. We generally agree to recognize the existence of the danger of Illusion, but rather theoretically; most often, we see its action on those round about us, but not on ourselves. We continue to live day by day in the same old way, so that the power we know as the Devil still triumphs. Whatever name we give it, it remains ever-present.
We live in an artificial, illusory world. The power of illusion which chains us exerts its action individually on each one of us, as well as collectively. Each mind is falsified in a way peculiar to it. What can be the outcome of such a situation? If we keep quietly to our place, human careers open to us … just as long as we stay far away from the void. We may have a happy or unhappy life; a family life; a life of loves; we may make discoveries, travel, write. Then comes the end. Our reasoning starts to become more realistic if our attention is concentrated on this end. Everything can happen to us in life; or nothing. Our aspirations can be fulfilled or unfulfilled, but there is a sure end, which is death.”
– Boris Mouravieff, Gnosis
It’s also one thing to speak out about general topics like GMOs, environmental issues, and politics (while hypocritically supporting the political system by getting caught up in the same old left vs right illusion) as we see in the popular “progressive/liberal” movement these days. However, once you start speaking out about the illusion of the two party paradigm, or choice through voting; questioning the need for government (statism), the official 9/11 story, or even Zionism and the official history of World War II (which definitely attracts more attack and ridicule than the usual topics most people concern themselves with), you will encounter more concentrated opposition. Then there is, of course, the topic of genetic psychopathy and psychopaths in power (who are, by the way, the perfect “vehicles” for the hyperdimensional overlords to work through), which causes a lot of resistance, since most people believe all humans are born equal and share the same essential human qualities.
To be clear, it’s important to speak out about the more transparent issues our world is facing, given the unfortunate fact that such issues are still not obvious to most people…sometimes, you’ve got to reach people on that “surface” level before going straight into the fringe aspects of these matters and the deeper, hidden aspects of the Matrix Control System.
However, what I have noticed in my life (as well as in the lives of others) is that once you expose the “topic of all topics” (i.e., the hyperdimensional control and manipulation of humanity) – which is the root cause of the many other issues that are merely the symptoms (“shadows on the wall”) – the “control system” (a.k.a. General Law) goes into over-drive and attacks these people even more intensely, usually through other humans but occasionally through direct psychic/hyperdimensional attacks.
Researching the topic of Organic Portals and Spiritless Humans – as well as the frequency of “Evil” – are also key elements of understanding, for “Evil” cannot be fully eradicated within our level of existence. It is part of the duality which serves its purpose, and it is also an expression of the “One” or “God”. Hence, a person who is trying to “save the word” or “save people” without understanding the bigger picture can see their efforts back-fire on themselves. Not everyone can be “saved”, nor is everyone here to awaken. It comes back to the principle of free will, despite all of the deceptions placed in its way.
“An important point here is: this Negative consciousness arises from the “self viewing self” at the instant of creation and is, therefore, an integral part of creation. It cannot be separated from it because it exists only because of Positive creative inception. Neither can exist without the other. It’s that simple.
Negative consciousness is the SELFness of creation – the gravity that draws all that exists back to itself. It is the aspect of the ONE involved in contemplation and rejection of creativity in its own heart, frozen in that moment of “vertigo” experienced at the outrush of creative energy.
And, because this “state of consciousness” occurs in conjunction with, and precisely because of, Creative potential, or OTHERness, and is, in fact, identified through that factor, it cannot be “done away with” without ALL returning to The ONE and just “going back to sleep.” Thus we see that the efforts to “save the world” via “punishment of the wicked,” or “conversion to the light” or “spiritualizing matter with love,” are all expressions of the fundamental desire to UNDO CREATION; to KILL GOD!
Through the idea that “evil/darkness” is a rebellion, a fault, a thing to be done away with, the “twist” is introduced that lays the groundwork for domination and absorption.”
– Michael Topper, The Positive/Negative Realms of Higher Densities
However, if one stays sincere in the process of seeking truth (especially in terms of embodiment and self-work) and has faith and trust in their heart-centered journey, there comes a point where one’s frequency is no longer a match for those negative forces that may be attacking them.
This relates to the frequency resonance vibration of the individual (level of Be-ing) – hence, such attacks lessen or stop completely as an individual maintains their commitment to the process of transcendence or “ascension”: to be in this world, but not of it.
This state has nothing to do with trying to be “positive”, “thinking positive thoughts” and “ignoring the negative” (as we see promoted in the “New Age” religion). In fact, that attitude plays right into the hands of the matrix controllers. These protection capabilities and transcendence harmonics are attained by going into the “underworld”, doing shadow work, facing one’s fears, seeking truth, understanding “evil” and the hyperdimensional manipulation of humanity, becoming embodied, fusing the inner masculine and feminine vibrations, and many other processes which serve to clear out the vessel for higher frequencies to be invited in and anchored, thereby connecting the individual to spirit/higher self. The only way out is through.
In essence, this is the path of “ascension”, the mythological/symbolical search for the “Holy Grail” or the alchemical transmutation of lead into gold (‘Philosopher’s Stone’). It’s about reconnecting to our original blueprint prior to humanity’s endless genetic modifications and enslavement, which came about through the actions of forces that took ownership of the earth and its denizens in the most distant of pasts.
“Popular projections of what a transformation in consciousness is going to look like are, in most cases, a revamp of ‘the box’. A bigger, better box in which there is an upgrading of the paradigm that improves the conditions in which we can indulge our addictions in a ‘green’ way. As essential as ecological awareness is, it is not enough. The new paradigm cannot be actualized from the intellectual abstraction of a dualistic interpretation of a ‘better world’, built on the infrastructure of the existing mutant matrix which generates this paradigm.
The full human blueprint, prior to our genetic modification, already exists and is etherically present in every cell of our bodies. Resurrect the full divine immortal human blueprint and you will realize the visual, audible feed-back of the true space-time continuum… a transcendent paradigm for the human design that is the sensory organ for planetary ascension – as Earth is the sensory organ for human ascension.
The new paradigm cannot be interpreted and determined as a theory, but as a living frequency returned to the only instrument on which we can experience the truth of creation: our bodies.“
– Juliet Carter, Worldbridger
At the same time, I’ve also found that there is both guidance and assistance (delivered in unexpected ways) along this path, just as long as we have faith that whatever comes at us has a purpose and contains lessons we need to learn, even if those lessons entail a lot of struggle and discomfort. There is divine help and grace found embedded within all that comprises this roller coaster called life. We are far more powerful than “they” want us to believe, which partly explains their intimidation tactics and psychic attacks.
One of my teachers used to say: “Bernhard, if you align yourself with truth, the universe will always support you“. I can attest to the validity of that insight, as the “universe” has always brought me the “right” clients who needed to receive what I offer, as well as guiding me (in my own life path) to the right teacher, healer, book, philosophy, opportunity, etc., via unforeseen synchronicites – but ONLY as long as I was “asking sincerely” through my own efforts, self-work and inquisitive nature.
That’s also why I don’t believe in comparison, competition or relentless advertising/marketing. Other than having a website and Facebook page, I don’t market my work, and when I tried to do so in the past (due to low self-esteem, getting caught up in “Matrix thinking” and not trusting myself), I hardly got any clients from it, let alone clients that were a good “match” for my healing modalities. It’s all word of mouth anyway, and as long as I stay true to myself, I feel secure in knowing that I’m being cared for (on an unseen level).
There is a mystery to life which the mind of the head cannot rationally understand or control. In fact, it is “afraid” of this ‘unknown’ because it wants to be in a position of dominance (which it confuses with safety). But the Tao cannot be controlled nor directed; it is the river of life in this multidimensional reality which never sits still. For me, it’s never been about asking the question, “how can I attract more clients”, it’s always been about seeking the answer to the query, “how can I become better at what I do; learn more; seek truth; express who I truly am and what I love doing; embrace my own process of embodiment and alignment to my purpose for being here – my own inner guidance, that is connected to spirit/higher self.” It’s a continuing process, and it always will be.
An important part of my development involves acknowledging that my work is not for everyone, and that I am not intending to reach “a wide audience”, let alone the “mainstream” (for reasons that should be obvious when understanding the deeper/metaphysical workings of the Matrix Control System). In such matters, it’s about the frequency match between therapist/counselor and client. If I can see from the outset that my approach is not really beneficial for a particular person, or that we are not a good “match”, I refer him/her to other practitioners in my network who work with other modalities and have a different methodology that may suit them better. In this way, I feel I am honoring my gifts as well as my limitations.
The more that we are embodied – the more we are humbly aligned with our true self, without pretending to be someone we’re not in order to “get clients” or be “liked” or “win friends” – the greater the opportunities we will have to attract the right people into our lives, as well any “success” or “abundance” (which is often mistaken for money alone) that we genuinely seek to attain. This has been my experience, anyway. As far as I’m concerned, this is the best “marketing strategy” for life in general:
All of which will greatly assist you in aligning with your individual purpose for being here.
To close, here’s one of my personal inspirations for daily life:
Five strivings for daily effort by G.I. Gurdjieff:
1. Preserve your life
Be just to the planetary body; satisfy its needs; treat it as a good master treats a good servant, not being overly indulgent and conditioned by physical desires, the stomach and sex organs.
2. Develop yourself
Constant, unflagging instinctive need for self-perfection and self-knowledge in the sense of Being, striving for the attainment of the real “I,” one’s individuality.
3. Find your place in the scheme
Understand the meaning and aim of existence, seeking after truth about self and the nature of the world, striving to understand the fundamental cosmic laws which create and sustain life.
4. Pay back
To lighten the load of the Creator, pay back in gratitude and effort for the fact that Evolution has helped you to get this far, overcoming egoism and striving to lessen the suffering and unhappiness within the world.
5. Help others to develop
Assist and help others towards their self-perfection, to attaining real “I.”
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By Bernhard Guenther
‘Catastrophic for the Catholic Church’: